Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
