Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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