tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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