Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
