Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
