I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
