I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
