i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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