totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
