i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
