I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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