Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
