I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
