CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
