Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
