Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
