Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
