it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
