I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
