WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
