I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
