1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
