White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
