I looked at my own cervix.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
