so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
