i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the day after is always just damage control
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
