I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
