Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
