Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
