Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
