You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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