pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
