Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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