and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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