I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
