I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
