It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
