It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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