the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
