She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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