Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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