I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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