fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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