She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's like iHOP with fire
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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