well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
