How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
