some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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