My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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