i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
