no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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