My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
