hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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