I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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