my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your penis caused this!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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