i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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