Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
