I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
