dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
