No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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