Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
