I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
