it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
